Broken Not Crushed life as a statement, not an apology

This post captures for me the beauty and the freedom of Good Friday. Jesus died to set me free. Living squarely in the center of that freedom is where I want to be, and is the highest form of worship I can imagine. Reacting negatively towards anyone who would muddy that freedom is appropriate.

This is part of a discussion I had with a friend about Don Miller’s article “STOP BEING MOTIVATED BY GUILT“. Read Miller first if you want the context. Don Miller is much more gracious than I am.

I could write a book on this subject; it’s been on my mind pretty much every day for the past 3 or 4 years. Here’s the Cliffs Notes version.

I had to start with apprehending who I am: a beloved child of God. Nothing I can say or do will make God approve of me more or less. My identity is not contingent on what anyone else says or thinks about me. Once I got that piece, the rest is academic.

That helped me realize how much of my life has been spent trying to manage other peoples’ perceptions about me, and how little has been spent LIVING. Why am I reattaching chains that were broken? Why am I snatching up burdens that have been lifted? Why am I allowing others to “should” on me?

I had to forcefully reject the “WWJD” mindset, and ask instead, “What would I do? Given who God created ME to be, what would I do?” Not father, not boss, not pastor — it doesn’t’ matter to me a bit what they think of me. They aren’t living my life, and I didn’t give them permission. I can’t live my life based on what other people think of me, or trying to guess what they would approve of. It’s exhausting and doomed.

I even rejected the idea that I needed to seek God’s approval. In my reading of Scripture, I HAVE God’s approval. That’s what was so radical and scandalous about Jesus and the early disciples; they actually LIVED their lives as if they had God’s approval, because they did. If God’s approval rests on me choosing the right “Christian-y” activities, then I don’t want it. It’s not the same God the Bible talks about and I don’t want him as a taskmaster.

It’s the beauty of Galatians and Colossians, rejecting the “do not handle! do not taste! do not touch!” bossiness of others who presume to speak for God. If the Gospel is about striving, 24/7, to win God’s approval, that’s the worst news I’ve ever heard.

I also took a hard look at the concept of self-interest and sacrifice. Once I began to think of sacrifice as “choosing something of lesser value over something of greater value”, I determined that I never want to make a sacrifice. It’s BS logic to live my life as a big sacrifice; I want to find what’s of highest value and run for it, not giving a rip if it fits into anyone else’s concept of what I should do or not.

The disciples told Jesus he shouldn’t die; yet he did it for the joy set before him. It was in Jesus’ best interest — it was of highest value to him — to restore us to himself, and that was no sacrifice. And he didn’t let all the “should-ers” affect him.

The catalyst for me was Eminem. Seriously. Put some sunglasses on, and read the lyrics to “The Way I Am”. That got me over the hurdle, and it’s why I say Don Miller is more gracious than I am. My recent attitude towards all things “should” has begun with an F and ended with “it!”.

If somebody else thinks something negative of me, fine. I don’t care. I am whatever you say I am. I’m not going to expend a single calorie worrying about it or trying to change your perception of me. It’s a you problem, not a me problem. I’m simply going to live in the freedom that’s been purchased for me.

And I see in Eminem’s lyric an echo of both Jesus’ response to Pilate (It is as you say) and God’s response to Moses (I AM). Works for me.

That’s why my blog tagline is, “living my life as a statement, not an apology.”

That’s why my “religious views” on Facebook say, “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.” I’m so over the churchy thing. Me doing something because someone else thinks I should, and they think that because they think they’re supposed to think that; it’s just ridiculous and I want out of it. It’s so artificial, and so much about perception management, and so little about LIVING and BEING.

I want to BE, to breathe, to enjoy this life. BE, AM — very powerful words.

I AM WHATEVER YOU SAY I AM.